Love and Other Drugs

I am so pleased that at last I have managed to see the film; I have shed a few tears, laughed a lot, I found the bit at the Parkinson convention very funny, a nice piece of comedy.

Watching it I realised that I am inclined to be a bit like Maggie,  I don’t want anyone to have to look after me, if I accept being looked after it is saying to all and that includes me that I have Parkinson’s. I am not ready to let a man come into my life and look after me, it doesn’t matter how nice he may be, or indeed how much he wants to be there for me.

So it’s me who then runs a mile and I can’t or won’t let anyone get close enough to take me on. Maybe my Jamie is out there and will come and rescue me without me realising and getting stroppy.

Ann Hathaway showed that the start of Parkinson’s tends to be very subtle sneaking up on you, a little tremor when you least expect it, an inability to open things, especially the damn pills.

Addiction

I go from feeling top of the world to the depth of despair, I have read what others have said about addictive behaviour and realise I have to do something soon about mine.

What if my medication has to be changed, I dread that as I end up feeling terrible, the thought of feeling sick all the time makes me inclined to say I will stay as I am.

I also know that I have been managing to do day to day things quite well. But and it is a big BUT I am aware that my addictions are not helping me.

I can’t count the hours I spend either on my computer playing games, and probably the same one over and over again, or indeed the hours spent moving things from room to room and never being quite satisfied with the results.

The money I have spent on spur of the moment buys, what once seemed a bit of a laugh now seems quite major.

I booked my trip to China which I don’t regret at all, I have been fascinated by the Terracotta Army since I first heard that they had been found.

I know that I must be at my fittest so that I don’t ruin the holiday not only for me but also for others, so I am sort of thinking don’t rock the boat, what if I weather the addiction until I get back.

I have had several dates with men off the internet, and to be fair they have all been very nice, but that’s it for me just a date.

I really don’t know what I am looking for so I will take myself off the sites as I am not being fair. Perhaps I had better just stick with Parky.

I know that I use him to get me out of situations, and then I get annoyed if people want to help me or look after me.

I must be so annoying to be with

Twin Talk

To celebrate Mothers Day my brother and I took our Mum out for Sunday Lunch, we go to our local pub which does good food. Mum seems to be shrinking away but boy can she eat, she loves her puddings and often plans what she wants way before every one finishes the first course. That’s usually me as Parky is not the greatest table mate.

She always asks every one what they are having before making up her mind and then goes for the same as someone else.

It drives me crazy, what a terrible daughter I am.

My brother is also my Twin, he is the eldest by not a lot, Mum had no idea before we were born that it would be two not one, so after delivering one baby she looked at the Dr and asked him what he was waiting for to be told hang on there is something else.

Well that’s Me, as we were very tiny we were Christened strait away, they had a name for a boy but not for a girl. Some relative suggested that as it was very close to Christmas Carol would be a good name and I must admit I am very grateful to that person. What would they have named me? Ann was added as a second name and only used by my mother when very displeased with me. CAROL ANN what are you doing?

I have been asked if my twin and I have a bond, I don’t know only having him as a sibling I have nothing to compare. I do know that he will always be there for me and I hope he knows it works the other way as well.

He hasn’t got a Mate named Parky but I’m not greedy I will share my Mate with him. The thing is why have I got Parky and my twin hasn’t

If I have got the link right you must watch this,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRWJybzkwN4

Twins talking

What did my parents have to put up with?

Two Special People

Yesterday was my eldest Daughter’s birthday and today is the first anniversary of my Dad’s death. I am so glad that there is a day’s difference, while we celebrate the first we are aware of the second.

I have been thinking a lot about them both and the qualities they have in common.

Both spent time helping me and worrying about me, and I know that I am an absolute pain in the bum.

My Dad would do anything my Mum wanted and was happy as long as she was around, he did his very best to make her life as easy as he could. He would have fought tooth and nail for his family.  I think the same goes for my Daughter with her husband, they met the first day at University and have been soul mates ever since. I envy both of them for that bond that comes with finding your true love.

My Dad was a strong outspoken caring person who was there for me through thick and thin, I can see the same strength in her. She is a doer if you mention something in passing emails fly and answers are found.

So thank you Dad for being the best dad a girl could have, and thank you T for taking on his mantle.

Purse Found

My purse was in the garden, I am very relieved that I have found it, not only is it newish but it’s got my bus pass in it and  I certainly don’t want anyone looking at my convict type photo.

I think I got myself stressed out and that let Parky in, I could feel his grip on me. He had tight hold of my arms and shoulders, and I was feeling quite light headed and not with it. No difference there you say.

I have been on antibiotics for a few days and it started to niggle inside my head, what if they were interfering with my Parky drugs? I tried to look them up on the internet feeding all sorts of strange things into the search engine. That came to nothing so I dialled 111 it’s for when you know that you don’t want 999.

They were absolutely brilliant,  I can’t praise them enough, as I was half convinced that it must be the antibiotics the nurse rang me back and went through all my pills and reassured me that everything  was ok.

I hope that I can now calm myself down and get myself fit enough to enjoy China, I am starting to get excited, so as I said before I must be a good girl, take my pills stay away from stress (is that possible).

Then yippee China here I come

Up All Night

At the moment I am part Zombie like an idiot I stayed up all night, just one of the things that one does from time to time. So now instead of being the good girl I said I would be here I am on day two pottering

I was on my way to bed ( this is second night) when I thought that I had better close the computer down, well then I thought I will just catch up with what’s going in with all the great folks on twitter who like me fight Parky with a pen.

I ended up watching @wobblywilliams and re tweeting it gosh I am even getting the jargon, that got me going so before I go and crash out I will tell you what I have been up to.  

On Sunday morning I went to pay my neighbor my lottery money, as I would be gutted if we won and half the street disappeared without me on some luxurious cruise with a big win. I then took a letter to the next neighbor and came home.

Had to go out later where was my purse now I knew I had it when paying my lottery, but what the heck did I do with it after that.

I have turned this bungalow upside down, in fact it has nearly had a spring clean, notice I said nearly. Every room, every coat, every bag.

I have now stopped credit cards just in case I lost it between one house or another as for the life of me I could not remember coming back in.

I am just so annoyed with myself, and I blame Parky well isn’t that what he is here for?

Well this evening I spoke to a friend on the phone who rather thought that I had gone out in the garden when I got home and if my purse was in my jacket pocket I may have dropped it outside. Well I just can’t stay awake much longer so first thing in the morning I had better get myself out there and hope my nice new purse is sat looking at me or else I may end up doing a spring clean of the garden.

China For Me

I have made the big decision to go on a singles holiday to China. Life has had a lot of ups and downs, and as is often quoted to me, YOU HAVE TO DO IT WHILE YOU CAN.

So in with both feet and off in June, I must make sure that I look after myself until then so that I will be able to cope with all the wonderful sites that I have been wanting to see for such a long time. Ever since I first heard about the terracotta army I have vowed that given the time and money that was something I had to see.

I have promised my friend that I will not miss any tablets and will try not to get myself stressed. I will stop changing things around in my bungalow and generally be a good girl so that I can manage.

The thing is I now accept that I have this thing called Parkinson’s, I can see it in the mirror when I miss a dose or am late. My mouth seems to have a bit of a twist and I can hear myself slurring my words, if by any chance I get involved with something first thing in a morning and forget to take my handful of pills I find that my toes curl under like claws. That really hits home, what if for some reason I could not get my pills? What would happen?

I am not going down that line, so as long as I am good I hope to keep Parky on the back boiler, he can be with me as long as he doesn’t interfere with my trip.